Our Team

A team of pitch deck translators, Slack archaeologists, AI hype whisperers, VC logic survivors, productivity theater critics, dark pattern cartographers, corporate euphemism decoders, and recovering meeting attendees.

We’re not anti-tech.

We’re anti-nonsense.

A man with gray hair, beard, and sunglasses, wearing a layered shirt and a necklace, standing in front of a San Francisco background with the Golden Gate Bridge and city skyline. The image includes text referencing Silicon Valley and a blimp with the phrase 'Disrupt or die trying', along with the slogan 'Where reality is optional'.
A man with gray hair, beard, and sunglasses, wearing a layered shirt and a necklace, standing in front of a San Francisco background with the Golden Gate Bridge and city skyline. The image includes text referencing Silicon Valley and a blimp with the phrase 'Disrupt or die trying', along with the slogan 'Where reality is optional'.

D. Founder

The founder

D. Founder is Silly-Con Valley’s resident Reality Checker, professional observer of absurdity, and the last rational employee in the room. Armed with pattern recognition, a black t-shirt, and a deep suspicion of corporate buzzwords, he separates innovation from hype, value from valuation, and actual users from “engagement metrics.”

He is not anti-technology. He is anti-bullshit. D. still believes technology can improve the world — he just insists on asking the inconvenient questions first:

Does it actually work? Who benefits? And have we talked to users?

A cartoon unicorn wearing sunglasses and a black hoodie, with a rainbow-colored mane and a golden horn, set against a San Francisco skyline and the Golden Gate Bridge. The bear's badge reads 'CIO Chief Imagination Officer'. The circular design includes text 'Silicon Valley' at the top and 'Where Reality is Optional' at the bottom, with a blimp saying 'Disrupt or Die Trying'.
A cartoon unicorn wearing sunglasses and a black hoodie, with a rainbow-colored mane and a golden horn, set against a San Francisco skyline and the Golden Gate Bridge. The bear's badge reads 'CIO Chief Imagination Officer'. The circular design includes text 'Silicon Valley' at the top and 'Where Reality is Optional' at the bottom, with a blimp saying 'Disrupt or Die Trying'.

Cornelius “Uni” Hornworth

CIO - Chief Imagination Officer

Uni is the official mascot of Silly-Con Valley and a professional observer of startup absurdity.

Armed with a black hoodie, deadpan sunglasses, and a suspiciously high tolerance for pitch decks, Uni turns hype, buzzwords, AI hallucinations, and imaginary valuations into comedy. His superpower is spotting nonsense before the market does.

His weakness is reality, which unfortunately keeps showing up in quarterly reports.

Motto: Reality is optional.